Jul 02 2012

Respect Posted 323 days ago ago by Bob Burroughs     2 Comments

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Respect

This is #7 in an issue of USA TODAY article that dealt with the TEN VALUE SKILLS that are the most important in today's society and world - skills that are important when employers are hiring and churches are looking for when bringing on a new pastor or staff member.

I have asked several good friends to take each of these Value Skills and write a brief comment about each one in issues of MME. This article is written by Dr. Paul Hill, Minister of Worship/Arts, First Baptist Church, Marietta, Georgia. Paul ministers in a downtown church and is responsible for a large music/arts ministry. In addition, Paul also has founded and conducts the "Symphony On the Square," a 50-piece orchestra, comprised of community instrumentalists, providing concerts at least twice per year. He brings to MME a wealth of experience dealing with this topic.

 

When pondering the virtue of respect, I couldn’t get Aretha Franklin’s song out of my mind, especially as the refrain meanders into those profound words: “sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me….” No doubt you’ve heard the pop culture references to respect in more of the negative, such as "dissing" (vernacular for “dis-respecting” someone.) Usually this is in reference to someone slighting another person or doesn’t show the due respect that the inflicted feels should have been shown.

It is easy to get our feelings hurt when we feel others do not show the respect we think should be shown to us--but we should perhaps realize that in order to get respect, you have to first show respect. To earn respect, we have to live a life of integrity reflecting, among other things, the Golden Rule: Treat others with the same respect that we would like to have shown to us.

There are at least three shadings regarding respect:

1) self-respect—how we treat and view ourselves
2) respect we show to others
3) respect we hope to have shown to us

To have any of the three forms of respect, the following must be involved: integrity, trust, truthfulness, fairness, dignity and transparency. Even if we possess these virtues, respect is only going to be present after these virtues are tested and earned. “Earning” respect requires consistency and patience. Just like character and integrity, respect may take a lifetime to earn but--may be lost in a moment of carelessness.

From the perspective of a music minister and those he/she leads in ministry, how does a respectful (respect-full) relationship develop?

The idea that the leader and a group are not sharing a relationship of respect is flawed from the start. Why? Because as ministers, one of the earliest and catastrophic mistakes we can make is seeing those in our ministry as a group rather than individuals. If you find you are facing difficulties with a “group,” the first thing to look at more closely are individuals where respect is lacking. We must earn the respect of individuals one at a time if we have any hope of moving a ministry forward. Once a respectful relationship between individuals has been cultivated, those individuals unite with others in a collective community that moves and breathes as a unit. Ignore individuals and work only with “groups” and distrust is planted and a disrespectful relationship will hamper any objective you may have as the leader.

Effective ministry, with a deep level of trust and respect, depends upon possibly thousands of episodes and interactions through the years with each individual in our ministries. Depending on how those episodes unfold will determine if respect is present. If those episodes and interactions demonstrate honor, trust, and integrity, then respect is obviously being earned on both sides of the relationship. Multiply those episodes to however many individuals you are in contact with and, as they say, you may have your work cut out for you.

Are there warning signs for an unhealthy respect-less relationship? Yes! If interactions between you and others seem filled with anger, name-calling, grumbling, discontent, gossip, distrust, and/or vengeful actions/comments, there is little respect present in the relationship. Again, the temptation is to blame groups but the truth is, these are not problems with groups. True, there may be a “tipping point” where momentum shifts against you in a dispute, but you will miss the bigger picture if you do not first identify individual relationships that need to be restored and set out to repair those relationships—one at a time.

How can you possibly keep up with all those interactions? It is easy, really: live a life of integrity. Be honest in your dealings. Be fair, trustworthy, and respectful of the time and energy that you spend with each individual. Few of the things in life that are “earned” are done quickly. Most require time. Consistently show respect to others and it is very likely that you will be shown respect in return.

 

What think ye

Watch for an exciting announcement about What Think Ye coming soon...

Four Fives for Better Living

Five Questions to Determine If You Are Still Alive and Alert - Frederick Buechner

1. Have you wept anytime during the past year?
2. Does your heart beat faster at the sight of your love?
3. Have you thought seriously about the fact that someday, you are going to die?
4. More often than not, do you really listen when people are speaking to you...instead of planning what you will say in return?
5. Is there anyone you know in whose place, if one of you had to suffer great pain, you would volunteer yourself?

If the answer to all or most of these questions is NO, perhaps you should check your pulse.

Five Rules to be Happy (Author Unknown)

1. Free your heart from hatred
2. Free your mind from worries
3. Live simply
4. Give more
5. Expect less

Five steps to Learn in Giving People the Star Treatment - Dale Galloway

1. People want to feel they are are of worth
2. People want to be listened to
3. People want to be appreciated
4. People want to be built up and edified
5. People want to be Treated with empathy

Five Steps That Will Help You Relate Well to Others - Dale Galloway

1. Be willing to change
2. Think of yourself the way God thinks of you
3. Treat yourself as a "best friend," accepting yourself unconditionally
4. Find freedom by owning up to your faults, even actually admitting when you are wrong
5. Care enough to be open to sharing yourself with others

Food for Thought

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you." - John Wooden

Question of the Month: "What is the most frustrating thing about Music Ministry Today?"

David Briley, Music/Worship, First Baptist, Decatur, Alabama

TWO things – one musical and one general:

1. Generally - the apathetic attitude of so many that are over-committed with their schedules, preventing them from ministry effectiveness.
2. Musically – the ever-changing rapid technology, musical styles/materials that confront us with ever-changing and diverse congregational needs.

Allan Aunspaugh, Music/Worship, Second Baptist Church, Liberty, Missouri.

We have a traditional style worship--with choir. In the past few years, we have not attracted younger generations to the choir. I recently did a statistical analysis of the group and discovered the average age of the choir is 60.5 years old. That was surprising!

So we have begun serious conversations about who we are, what our role is in worship, what we sing and a host of other questions relating to our viability as a choir in the coming 5-10 years. We realize that people in their 20s and 30s think completely different than older folks do. Their motivation for joining a group is very different. Mostly, it involves time issues, children’s activities and childcare, and a sense of adding value to their own lives but also to the group.

We'll make some headway, I'm sure. It is sure different today!

Michael Adler, Worship Pastor, Shades Mountain Baptist Church, Birmingham, Alabama

With all of the changes happening in our worship culture these days, many formats are experiencing drastic overhauls. Is there anyone on the cutting edge trying to keep our church orchestras in a position of relevance? The church orchestra sound has not innately changed for 20 years and as a result, we're watching orchestra programs become jettisoned on a regular basis. Who is out there in this new generation who is rising up to rescue this art form and make the sound new again? I'm in!

Martha Garmon is the Minister of Music/Worship Minister of Music/Worship at Trinity Lutheran Church, in Fremont, Nebraska and on August 1, begins her ministry in a new church, The Prince of Peace Lutheran MS, Palatine, IL

Volunteers - bane or blessing! I've had volunteers call, or worse, email at the last minute before a service and say they can't read Scripture today, or sing, run the soundboard or projection. After they tell their tale of woe, they tend to show up in the congregation as I'm trying to handle my responsibilities and theirs. I'd rather set up a strong volunteer policy written in such a way that the volunteer who has to miss an event SHOULD be the person to recruit a person to take their place! This puts the job on the back of the one who is not going to participate in the event and let them see how difficult it is to get people to do this at the last minute!. And if they can't secure someone, adjustments will have to be made in the service, and everyone on the team is effected. This could also work with handbells, too. The ringer who is to be out should find an equally good ringer to take his place. There are good ringers in most churches and they must be found! You may even discover some new ringers.

Bob Morrison, MoM, First Baaptist, Pensacola, Florida;

Probably the most frustrating thing to me is not having enough hours in the day to do a good job in all areas assigned to me (music ministry, technology support, which includes computers, LAN, phone, and television production). My interest level is very high in all areas, and I'm the staff person over these areas, but seeing things that need to be done better and not having enough time to address all of them is frustrating! By the way, this is also the most engaging part of my job--being involved in all these areas. So, it's the best of times and--the worst of times!

To read more of this week's MME, including new music reviews, please look to the right.

 © 2012 Creator Magazine All Rights Reserved

• Bob Burroughs 323 days ago
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  Thanks, Doug!
  
  Reply
• Douglas Lawrence 323 days ago
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  Bob, as always, good stuff. Self- respect is in short supply, no matter how hard we try to fake it, and I've seen the lack of it ruin many promising lives in ministry. Thanks for all the good reminders.
  
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